


Getting From There To Here

by flawedamythyst



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-16
Updated: 2008-12-16
Packaged: 2018-10-16 10:21:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10569333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flawedamythyst/pseuds/flawedamythyst
Summary: Supernatural ended after five years and we both moved back down to LA.





	

The thing about Supernatural is, for the five years we were filming it, Jensen and I were pretty much together 24/7, barring hiatus. Even in the first year, when we'd just met, we were filming together for hours and hours every week, then hanging out together at the weekends to watch a game or whatever. The last couple of years of the show we were living together, and we just ended up doing everything together. People knew that if they invited one of us to something, the other was bound to turn up – like some kind of co-dependent couple, though it wasn't like that.

The internet thought we were fucking, of course. The internet thinks everyone is fucking, but they kinda had a point with us. Some of the photos they had of us, it was a little hard to blame them, even if it was nowhere near the truth. I took to making a joke of it – winding the fans up in interviews and conventions. Jensen never said anything, but I know he absolutely hated it when I did that. I never could work out why, because it's not like anyone really takes what the fangirls think seriously, and the more they thought we were fucking, the more they watched the show.

Supernatural ended after five years and we both moved back down to LA. We didn't get a place together, although I suggested it. Jen said he wanted his own space, which was understandable after two years of putting up with my dogs and my sweaty socks and my tendency to be way too hyper in the early mornings. The place he got, though, was on the other side of LA, and getting there was a nightmare, especially in heavy traffic. We both started other projects almost immediately – he went off to film some indie flick in Australia, and I made a pilot for a show that never went anywhere.

By the time he got back from Australia, I was down in Texas, spending time with my family, and when I got back to LA he'd already gone off to shoot the next film. I can't even remember where it was now.

It went like that for a few years – we'd see each other every few months, snatching time around other things. He was determined to make himself a film career and he started getting pretty famous, while I was trying to get in on a serious TV show. I mean, Supernatural was one of the best things I ever worked on, but it was never going to be Emmy material, right? My agent got me a guest spot on one of the CSIs, then a recurring part on House.

Thing is, even though we hardly ever saw each other in person, it didn't mean we were anything less than best friends – we called each other all the time, texted pretty much every day, even sent silly emails from our phones. I knew pretty much every detail of Jensen's life, even though I wasn't there to see it, and he was the first person I called when I got a main role on a new show for ABC about hustlers. The con-artist kind, not the hooker kind.

It filmed in LA, and I thought that I might get to see more of Jensen if I was always in the same place – he might be flying in and out, but I'd always be there so we couldn't keep missing each other. It didn't seem to work like that, though. Even when he was filming in LA, he was so dedicated to his work that he didn't bother with a social life in favour of learning lines and running scenes with himself.

Five years after Supernatural finished, nothing had changed, and I began to wonder if this was how it was going to be for the rest of our lives. I couldn't believe that we were really both so busy that we could only find time for each other a few times a year, especially when we had time to spend hours on the phone every week. I tried to work out how we both managed to be so bad at scheduling and I found myself comparing it to me and Chad. Chad was at least as busy as either Jensen and I were, what with the string of crappy rom-com flicks he made after One Tree Hill ended, and getting married or divorced every other year, but I still saw him at least ten times as often as I saw Jensen, even though we'd barely contact each other when we couldn't meet up.

I went back over the last couple of years, trying to work out why Jensen and I kept missing each other, and I suddenly realised – like a bolt of lightning – that Jen was doing it on purpose. Now I had a regular TV show, my schedule was pretty fixed, even when I did a film during the summer, and yet Jensen always seemed to have something in another country to do when I was free, or chose that week to go down and see his family. I just couldn't work out why – if he didn't want anything to do with me, then why did he contact me all the time?

I told myself I wasn't going to say anything to Jensen about it until I was sure, but sometimes I just don't have control over my mouth. The next time Jensen phoned, he was halfway through telling me about some bitch of a night shoot where he was meant to be running around shooting drug dealers and just kept slipping over in the mud, and it just popped out, without conscious thought.

“Jen, why are you avoiding seeing me in person?”

He shut up right away, and there was nothing, just silence on the line.

“I mean, do I stink or something?” I asked, trying to lighten the question, but probably just sounding like a kid needing reassurance.

He cleared his throat, then came out with something totally lame about our busy lives, which I called bullshit on.

“Jared...just leave it,” he said, and he'd kick my ass if he knew I said this, but it sounded like begging. “It's nothing important.”

Which was doubly bullshit, because he was my best friend, and for some fucked-up reason he was avoiding me and he'd just practically admitted it. I was so pissed I couldn't come up with anything to say, and he made some excuse about an early start and hung up on me.

Actually hung up on me! Bastard.

Well, I called him the next day, and he didn't pick up, so I texted him and emailed him but he never replied. A week passed, and it was the longest we'd been out of contact for years and years – since early on Supernatural. I was on location, filming some shitty film about Nazis, but the minute I got back to LA, I went round to his place to sort the whole stupid thing out, only to find the asshole had moved without telling me.

He moved to get away from me! Man, I was so pissed. I left a voicemail that was more cursewords than anything coherent, and stormed off to Chad's house where I spent an evening getting drunk and detailing all the ways that Jensen really, really sucked to Chad and his latest wife.

My show started filming again, and I had no idea where Jensen was or what he was doing. I took to calling him several times a day, although he never picked up and I never left a message. It was just something I did – like a nervous habit. Wake up, put coffee on, try to call Jensen. Get a break from filming, try to call Jensen, then go and find some food. Get home, try to call Jensen, then slump in front of the TV.

He never got back to me, not even a message through my agent to get me to leave him alone. He didn't change his number either. After a couple of months, I got a little crazy. I started calling all his friends – using numbers that I didn't know I had stored away, getting my agent to find others. I even called his parents, which was a really weird call. Everyone asked me what the fuck was going on, but I just asked them to tell Jensen that I needed to talk to him. I think half of LA knew that by the time I was done.

One day, I came home from a run with my dogs and he was there, waiting for me. He was just sitting on my front step as if nothing had happened, not even looking pissed that he'd had to wait for me to get home. I was so relieved to see him that I could barely breathe for a moment. My dogs still remembered him, of course, especially Sadie, who was an old lady by then but still worshipped Jensen. They rushed up to him, and he made a fuss of them, and just as quickly as it had come, the relief was gone and I was angry instead.

“Fancy seeing you here,” I said, or something equally bitter.

Jensen shrugged. “I heard you wanted to talk,” he said. I just glared at him. He looked kinda uncomfortable, glanced round at the street, then asked if we could go inside.

I said yes, mainly because I didn't want anyone calling the cops if I decided to take a swing at him. I didn't offer him a drink or anything though, just stood and stared at him once the front door was shut, waiting for some kind of explanation.

“I get that you're pissed,” he said, and I had to turn away to stop myself hitting him before I'd gotten any answers.

“Pissed doesn't even begin to cover it,” I said. “I asked one question, and you cut all contact. You moved to get away from me!”

He winced at that. “Yeah, that was shitty of me,” he agreed.

“You going to tell me what the hell is going on?” I demanded, and he just laughed, kinda tiredly and without any humour. He looked like shit – bags under his eyes, and way too thin.

“You're probably the only person in the world who doesn't know,” he said, which didn't make me any happier. “Those last couple of years on Supernatural, when we were living together and working together, and spending every moment in between together – that was like torture for me.”

“Being around me is torture?” I asked, incredulously. “Then why the fuck did you keep in contact when the show was over?”

He shook his head, “No, not like that, like...Jesus, Jared, do I have to spell it out? I'm in love with you. I have been for years – forever.”

It felt like someone had knocked all the wind out of me.

“By the time we were wrapping up on Supernatural, I was fighting every minute to keep it secret,” he continued, not looking at me. “When we got back down here, I knew I had to keep my distance from you before I did something really, epically stupid, like kiss you. But I couldn't just walk away – you're my best friend. So, I figured it would be okay if I just only saw you every few months. I couldn't fuck it up over the phone, right?”

Well, I didn't know what to say or do. The whole thing just came straight out of left field and left me reeling. Jensen knew that too, the fucker, probably planned to dump it all on me and then run before I had time to get my head together.

“I'll see you around, Jay,” he said and started towards the door, but I wasn't having that.

“Wait, you bastard,” I said, grabbing his arm. “Give me a moment, Jesus.” He sort of froze, left his arm in my grip, and let me sort everything through in my head.

See, I'd had a lot of girlfriends in those five years - hell, even before that, after Sandy, and it'd always sort of fizzled out around the three-month mark, when I compared what we had to what I had with Jensen, and found it lacking. Not in a creepy way, just because I figured that if I was going to spend the rest of my life with someone, and they were The One and it was true love and all that crap, then it should at least be equal to what I felt for my best friend, right? But there was always something wrong – I'd end up looking at whoever she was, and picturing myself in ten years time and Jensen would always be there, but she never would.

I just never connected with them like I did with Jensen. They never seemed to get me the way he did. I don't know, it's hard to describe, but the truth is no one ever came close to what Jensen and I were like, even without seeing each other in person more than a handful of times a year.

So, I thought about that, and then I thought about letting Jensen walk out of my house, and the likelihood that I'd never see him again if he did, and how much that would really, really suck. And then I kissed him.

He wasn't expecting it at all – he told me later that he'd just been waiting for me to hit him – and I was still a bit jumpy and not sure what I was doing, so it was actually a pretty crappy kiss, but the moment our lips touched, I realised that I'd been waiting for it since I'd walked into an audition room and introduced myself to my new co-star.

That was it, really. After that kiss, and the one just after it which was much, much better, like something at the end of an epic romance film, there was nowhere else I was going to be but by Jensen's side, every moment that I could be, for as long as I could be.

Not that that stopped me from having a 'holy shit, I'm gay!' freak-out as soon as things progressed beyond the kissing phase and into the hands-down-pants phase, and pushing Jensen away. He jumped back immediately, as if he'd just been waiting for it.

“Sorry, sorry,” he stuttered, running his hand through his hair. “I shouldn't have...sorry.”

He looked even more freaked out than I felt, which I don't think was fair – he was the one that had had years to get used to the idea of this, after all. I'd had about five minutes.

He glanced back at the door, and I realised that I could still lose him – that he might still walk away and never come back – and I wasn't having that.

“No,” I said, grabbing at his shoulder and pulling him back in. “I'm sorry. I just...this is new.”

“Yeah,” he said, sounding strained. “We don't have to – I mean, you should be sure before we do this.”

“I am sure,” I said, and it was a bit of a surprise to me how much I meant it. I kissed him again, tried to show him just how sure I was, and I think he got it because he just melted into me, clinging tightly as if he was never going to let me go.

It wasn't easy even after that – the gay thing took me some getting used to, and Jensen turned out to be kinda girly about making sure I wanted it – but it was worth it. In fact, sitting here, in our house, watching Jensen read a script on the sofa and knowing that we're both going to do everything in our power to make sure we spend every day for the rest of our lives together, I can happily say that the decade it took for this to come together was more than worth it.

 


End file.
